Timey Wimey

Frankenstein Unbound

2011-10-09T12:20:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

In 2031, a scientist (Dr Buchanan) and his team are working on a new weapon. A weapon that will destroy armies without destroying the world. This weapon vaporises it's target by sending them into a black hole. Unfortunately, since creating this weapon there have been strange side effects; unusual weather, people vanishing and time slips. A time slip occurs and Dr Buchanan is whisked off to 1817 where he meets Dr Frankenstein and Mary Shelley. But as he learns Mary Shelley's book is in fact based on a true story he realises he must stop Frankenstein before his monster kills everyone.

Frankenstein Unbound is a 1990 The Mount Company production. It stars John Hurt, Raul Julia and Nick Brimble. It was directed by Roger Corman. It's based on the novel Frankenstein Unbound by Brian Aldiss. This film marked Roger Corman's return to the director's chair after almost 20 years.

Dr Buchanan wanted to create a weapon that wouldn't destroy the world, it went wrong. Now the world is suffering from freak weather, vanishing people and time slips. All with the appearance of this bizarre cloud in the sky. The cloud turns out to be a gateway to other times.

I'm not sure why but there's a scene with some weird kids burying a bike saying it's dead because one of them got a new one. [shrug] Nevermind, this nonsensical occurrence is soon blown away (literally) as a freak wind occurs and the cloud opens bringing to our world a warrior of the past on horseback. He tries to kill Dr Buchanan but is sucked back before he gets the chance, then Dr Buchanan also gets sucked into the cloud. He awakes to find himself in a countryside area, just him and his future car. His future car that TALKS.

He wanders into a village pub and sits down at a table with one of the locals. He turns out to be none other than DR FRANKENSTEIN. [GASP] He also meets Mary Shelley at a court hearing too. [DOUBLE GASP]

It might look cool, but why are the monster's eyes made up of parts of several different eyes all stitched together? How would that even work? Surely, if you're creating a monster you pick the best of each organ. So you'd simply pick a really good pair of eyes, not create your own pair of eyes from several different pairs. That's just weird.

Eew. The monster pulled a guy's heart out for blowing a whistle. He really doesn't like whistles...or people.

Dr Buchanan isn't very good at this time travel malarkey, he keeps showing people his future technology. He even drives through a village full of people in his future car whilst taking Mary Shelley for a spin. Butterfly effect? Pfft. And then he decides to get it on with Mary Shelley, what would Lord Byron think?

Holy fuck! The monster takes on a mob of people. He punches a guy's head off and rips another guy's arm off. Fucking A!

After the monster kills Frankenstein's fiancée Elizabeth, Frankenstein decides to do as the monster wants and create him a bride. But with the bride being Elizabeth he has ulterior motives. Forcing Dr Buchanan to help him resurrect her, he then sets up his weapon from the future to send the tower where Frankenstein's lab is with them inside into the cloud gateway. But the journey to the past can't be reversed to send him home, he can only be sent to another random place in time. Rather like Quantum Leap. The weapon sends them to a world covered in snow. Here, Elizabeth kills herself and the monster kills Frankenstein. So Dr Buchanan sets off after the monster to kill it once and for all. Along the way he discovers his laboratory and defeats the monster with future technology. He then realises that this is a post apocalyptic future where presumably the side effects of his weapon have destroyed the world. END.

Another moment of awesome from the monster comes during the fight at the end when he rips his own arm off to fight Buchanan with.

Throughout, the film Buchanan experiences these bizarre nightmares of him getting his arm cut off with a laser and then getting constructed like Frankenstein's monster. I had thought maybe these were future echoes of events to come, but no, nothing. As far as I could see nothing came of them. They were just there for no reason. Aside from that I rather liked Frankenstein Unbound. It's a film I've been wanting to see for several years now and I wasn't disappointed. To be fair, I wasn't expecting something fantastic and I didn't get anything fantastic but what I did get was a decent enough film that kept my interest throughout. I'm not sure about the ending, I don't know what it is but there's just something about it that doesn't completely satisfy me. So that was a bit of a downer as I had rather enjoyed the rest of the film. Additional enjoyment for me was John Hurt, I like John Hurt so it was all good. Especially when he delivered action-y lines. There's the obvious comparison between him and Frankenstein as two men of science trying to create something to better the world, but instead going drastically wrong. Which when the weapon starts sending the tower through time Frankenstein asks what it is and Buchanan replies “My monster.” I liked it, I was all “Ooooh” when he said it. Raul Julia was a great choice for Frankenstein, he has this air about him in films. This sort of unease that worked brilliantly as Frankenstein. Overall, I rather liked this film it's worth giving a look, it's not fantastic but it is pretty good.

Frankenstein Unbound 3/5

Daleks - Invasion Earth: 2150 AD

2011-09-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILER! SPOILER ALERT!

Dr Who and his companions travel to the year 2150 where London has become a wasteland and the planet has been taken over by Daleks. The Daleks have converted part of the population into undead slaves known as Robomen, using them to mine to the centre of the Earth, but what could the Daleks possibly want with Earth? And what are they mining for?

Daleks – Invasion Earth: 2150 AD is a 1966 AARU Productions production. It stars Peter Cushing, Bernard Cribbins and Ray Brooks. It was directed by Gordon Flemyng. It is an adaptation of the Doctor Who serial The Daleks Invasion of Earth and is the sequel to 1965's Dr Who and The Daleks.

After a bit of a barney with some robbers, a policeman (played by Bernard Cribbins, woooo) runs to the nearest police box for help, but oh no, it's the TARDIS. Now he's whisked off into the future along with Dr Who, his grand daughter Susan and his niece Louise.

Don't you just hate it when you can tell it's a stunt double? There's even a Cushing stunt double wearing a white wig, and Cushing's Dr Who isn't even performing a stunt. I don't think the Cushing “double” is even wearing a moustache. Tut tut tut.

Ah! Robomen! Look out! Ah shit, and an underwater Dalek too. Dr James Who, you are royally screwed. Yes, he's called Dr James Who, I bet you forgot about that.

The Robomen may have fancy laser guns but what they don't have which the rebels do, is a plain and simple brick. One of the rebels threw a brick which clonked off a Roboman's head defeating him. Brick vs Laser gun, Brick obviously.

There's a rather silly comedy scene where Bernard Cribbins' Tom Campbell has to pretend to be a Roboman as they sit in their waiting area and eat “Roboman food” which looks rather suspiciously like Dolly Mixtures. It's not even funny though, I can't help but feel it was put in for American audiences. Sixties American humour, not good.

I reckon this must have had a bigger budget than the first film, because the effects seem somewhat better. Even the landscape paintings don't look as fake as the ones used for the landscape of Skaro in the first film.

The Daleks' plan is to drill to the earth's core in order to extract it's magnetic core and pilot the planet around the universe like a giant spaceship. That is a completely bonkers plan, but I have to hand it to those Daleks, they've got class.

The people of 2150 are always ratting each other out to the Daleks. But it was nice to see the guy who grassed on Dr Who's whereabouts getting his comeuppance, as soon as they got Dr Who they blew up the cabin the guy was hiding in. That's what you get for being a grass, you sly bastard.

That's quite cool, Dr Who manages to thwart the Daleks' plans by doing something with the magnetic field so it sucks all the Daleks into the core. So we get to see lots of Daleks whizzing down corridors and smashing through walls, we even see one cave in on itself which looked pretty snazzy. If that wasn't enough, then the Dalek ship gets sucked towards the mine where they were digging and crashes on it with a huge explosion.

When it's time to go back, Dr Who drops Tom off a couple of minutes before the robbery at the start of the film, allowing him to catch the robbers and run them down to the police station.

Years ago I used to consider this to be the better of the two Doctor Who films, looking back I now disagree. It's good but it's not as good as the first one. It's a shame really because it's decent enough but because it didn't do well at the box office the planned third film didn't get made. The third film was going to be an adaptation of The Chase, and if the fan made trailer below is anything to go by then I think it would have been rather bloody good. What I did enjoy about this is the pace, it's a lot faster than the serial but that's a given seen as the serial is made up of six 25 minute episodes whereas the film is a mere 81 minutes. If I remember rightly the ending of the first episode is the Dalek coming out of the water whereas in the film it's less than 15 minutes in when that happens. So I much preferred the faster paced version of this story. As I mentioned earlier the sets and landscape/background images looked significantly better than that of the previous film so that was a good improvement. I did like the film but there's something about it, something that made me prefer the first one, I'm not entirely sure what it is, maybe something's missing. The silly humour didn't help either, I found myself just waiting for that scene to end. The film could have easily got by without that scene. Silliness and missing stuff aside, it's definitely worth a look, especially for any Doctor Who fan or any fan of sixties science fiction.

Daleks – Invasion Earth: 2150 AD 3/5

Now take a look at what could have been.

Planet of the Apes

2011-08-20T11:25:00.001-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

A spaceship from the year 1972 crash lands on a distant planet ruled by apes. Now Taylor and his crew must fight to survive on this this monkey planet.

Planet of the Apes is a 1968 20th Century Fox production. It stars Charlton Heston, Roddy McDowall and Kim Hunter. It was directed by Franklin J Schaffner. It is based on the novel La Planete des Singes by Pierre Boulle. Interesting bit of trivia, the screenplay was written by Michael Wilson and Rod Serling (Yeah, The Twilight Zone guy. A world ruled by apes, you've just crash landed in ...the Twilight Zone). This film spawned four sequels, a TV series and an animated series.

They didn't know the ship would time travel so why did they fit it with two clocks; one for Earth time and the other for Ship time? In fact, how would that even work? What's the science behind the Earth clock? How would the ship know to make time on that one excel at a greater speed to the Ship time?

Oh no! The only female member of the crew is dead. She died in her sleep as there was a crack in the casing of her hibernation pod, which allowed for air to get in and so she aged at the usual rate over the year's sleep. Whereas the three guys woke up with a bit of stubble.

Why you should never go skinny dipping – Reason #1
People may steal your clothes and your survival kit. Having a nice swim is not worth losing your stuff.

OH MY GAWD! MONKEYS ON HORSEBACK! WITH GUNS! NOOOOOOO! (They also speak perfect English)

On this planet Apes and Humans have reversed roles, Apes are the dominant species and Humans can't even speak.

They killed Dodge (one of the other astronauts) and shot Taylor in the throat. Oh no, he needs that to help him speak. Damn dirty apes!

After caging Taylor, Dr Zira (one of the good apes) gives him a present; a woman called Nova. I wish I got given presents like Nova, all I get is a pair of socks. Damn dirty apes! (or would that one be “Damn dirty humans!” ?)

After a bit of a kerfuffle, Taylor manages to get a notepad and pen, and writes “My name is Taylor”. Now realising he isn't like the other humans, Dr Zira takes him to live with her and her husband Cornelius for further study. But Dr Zaius (the bastard ape) finds out and takes him back to the human cages again. Damn dirty apes!

Taylor manages to escape, but where can he run to in a world ruled by apes? So he runs around Ape City and runs through a museum of stuffed humans. Dodge is one of them. I'll let you fill in the blanks.
_ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _ _ / _ _ _ _!

Yey! The line!
In a net with a recovering throat, the apes have never heard a human speak so what should your first words to them be?
“Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!”

Best line ever to be spoken by an ape whilst spraying a human (the human being Taylor; the first known human to speak)
“Shut up you freak!”
Oh how I laughed.

Yey! The other line!
“You cut up his brain you bloody baboon!”
Dr Zaius is such a bastard. He had Landon (the other astronaut) lobotomised, leaving Taylor the only surviving member of his crew and with no proof to his story of how he got there.

The map the apes have is of Ape City and the Forbidden Zone. But that doesn't cover the entire planet, they don't even know what is beyond the Forbidden Zone. There could be anything, more Ape Cities, Human Cities, or even a city of ET's. That guy has to have come from somewhere!

Deep in the Forbidden Zone there are remnants of another civilization, a civilization that lived there before recorded Ape history. There is a cave containing some very human items, which prove Cornelius' theory that humans were once dominant on this world, but now are not. There are some false teeth, some glasses and a human doll. Then if you venture a bit further down the beach you'll find (spoiler alert) the Statue of Liberty. Oh no, it was Earth all along.

Yey! The other other line!
“You maniacs! You blew it up! God damn you! God damn you all to Hell!”

I love Planet of the Apes, it's one of the films I grew up with as a child. And as such it feels like I've always known that ending, but to be fair even if I'd never watched it before it would be very difficult to not know that ending. It's one of those moments in film history that is just common knowledge, everyone knows it without ever seeing the film. The DVD cover alone spoils the ending, the DVD cover depicts the final shot of the film. It's one of the most iconic moments in film history. I'd love to be able to experience the film without knowing the ending, I'd love to experience that initial shock reveal. It would be amazing. Anyway, Planet of the Apes, very good film. Charlton Heston is great as Taylor, the ape make up is brilliant, especially for it's time. From what I've read the animated series is more of an accurate adaptation of the novel as in that the Apes have technology like TV and cars, which due to 60's budgets they weren't able to achieve in the original film as planned. The story's great, the acting is great, the film in general is great. It's a classic. Go watch it.

Additionally, I'm not normally one for including videos in my reviews but I have to make an exception for this one particular video clip. Enjoy!

Planet of the Apes 4/5

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

2011-08-09T14:00:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

2025, over 20 years after the first Timecop film. A rogue TEC agent (Miller) goes about wiping out all the members of TEC by killing their ancestors and preventing their birth, in order to go about changing history making it play out as he sees it should without TEC intervening in his time meddling. But Agent Chan must now travel back in time to stop Miller in the past before he wipes out the whole of the Time Enforcement Commission.

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision is a 2003 straight to video sequel to the 1994 film Timecop. It stars Jason Scott Lee, Thomas Ian Griffith and Mary Page Keller. It was directed by Steve Boyum.

It's a shame Van Damme wasn't in this. I would have liked to have seen a Timecop 2 with Van Damme, instead this is set 20 years after Van Damme's Timecop. Nevermind, it's still good. Well, no it's not.

Shit is going down in Nazi Germany. Miller has revealed his rogue nature to Chan as he plans to assassinate Hitler before his rise to power, but this is only the beginning of his plan to eradicate history of all it's mistakes and create a perfect history, not taking into account how all the good and bad stuff in history have defined people to date and in changing that will completely change people's behaviour in the future. (Also Miller has a snazzy future weapon that fries a person's brain when he jams it into their neck.) So Chan stops him, but in stopping him Miller's wife then tries to kill Hitler so Chan does what he must and kills her before she fucks up history. After this, Miller is imprisoned for his time crimes.

Woh! A time disturbance is registered, it's a TEC agent whilst in the past decided to visit his younger self and got a little too close. So they pull him back to 2025 only to see that he has merged with his younger self. This has created a paradox, it has resulted in the agent no longer existing in the past thus all the criminals he has caught are now free, one of which is somehow key to Miller's arrest and this results in Miller's release.

In order to stop him being released they need to send someone back to stop the TEC officer from coming into contact with his younger self. But whilst in the time machine just before he managed to make the jump to the past he destabilized and exploded for some reason, grisly.

I wish Van Damme was in this.

So Chan said he'll go but before they had chance to send him back a whole load more problems happened, more and more time disturbances began happening at once. Miller had begun disrupting the timeline of each and every TEC agent. Each one was vanishing from history. So they sent Chan back before it was too late.

The method of time travel in this isn't as good compared to the original. I mean sure, you've got this whole groovy multicoloured bright light thing going on, but that doesn't beat a capsule whizzing down a track towards a wall.

That is so bad. So, so bad. They clearly used the same footage twice. When Chan first arrived in the prison it was at night during a riot so the shot with the CGI effect of him arriving was in a cell that was at night and had flashing red lights. But when he arrived second time round it was during the day with no riot yet it was the same arrival footage of him at night with flashing red lights. That's just piss poor that is.

I wish Van Damme was in this.

It's amusing each time Chan returns to 2025 because each time he returns there's various changes, first time the woman he likes looks like a punk rocker (even though she's a medical doctor) and the head of TEC mentioned something about a war. Then another time the head of TEC had an eye patch and he mentioned the Berlin incident from the start referring to Miller being in Germany in the 40's, but he doesn't know why Miller was there as he doesn't know who this Hitler fellow is.

Wow, such good dialogue. “Ryan. Come and get me. Up here.” Shouted from Miller as he ran upstairs being pursued by Chan.

I wish Van Damme was in this.

All the way through this film Chan has been having flashbacks of the day his father died. Then he realised during one flashback that Miller was there. Miller killed his father whilst trying to kill him as a child. Now Chan knows he must go back to 2002 and stop Miller from killing his younger self.

Bit odd really, Miller and Chan are having a bit of a brawl in the hall of some building and there's a few people stood just watching, a younger student Miller, Miller's wife, Chan's mother and his younger self. No one thinks to call the police, they seem to just stand around watching in awe.

After getting Miller in a headlock he looks at student Miller and tells him he can avoid this. Then Miller and Chan fade away [shrug]. After this we see Chan in a scene that was at the start of the film at TEC only he knows he has saved everyone (saying “It's good to see you again” to people who had previously been erased from history.) Then he goes to the Head's office like at the start of the film, the doctor says the same dialogue then the alarms ring for a time disturbance like at the start of the film. Then it ends. So I presume he travelled back to the start of the film to stop it all from happening before it all starts again, something like that. Then the film ends, so technically the story doesn't end which is a bit disappointing. I mean I like that whole “Oh no it's happening again!” style ending, but this isn't happening again, it's simply the same event still happening. So isn't that a bit of a cop out?

I may have mentioned this already, but I wish Van Damme was in this.

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision isn't a good film. For a straight to video film it's not bad, but overall it's simply just watchable, but after watching it you might be angry that you have lost 80 minutes that you won't ever get back. Now I'm not saying it's terrible because it's not, it's just not that good. I reckon it's one of those forgettable films, which is disappointing because the basic plot is really interesting and the film takes us to various different times; Nazi Germany, Wild West and even the 1980s. But it just isn't that interesting, I found myself not really bothered about the characters. But again, for a straight to video film it's not bad for turn-your-brain-off style viewing. So by all means give it a whirl but I highly recommend watching the original with Van Damme instead.

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision 2/5

The Terminator

2011-07-25T07:27:00.001-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

Kyle Reese, a soldier from a post-apocalyptic future where machines have taken over, travels back in time to stop a Terminator from the future from killing the mother of the unborn John Connor, who will grow up to be the human leader in the future. (Note: I realise how confusing of a synopsis that is, but come on it's Terminator, you know the plot.)

The Terminator is a 1984 Hemdale Film production. It stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Michael Biehn and Linda Hamilton. It was written and directed by James Cameron.

I like to imagine that's what all men do when they see a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger crouching down in the street; run away (whilst also saying “What the hell?” in a funny voice).

By fuck are Terminators efficient, surely one bullet to the head would have been enough, but nope, he delivered another 5 into her body. Poor Sarah Connor (one of the other non-important ones.)

So the Terminator has been making his way through all the Sarah Connor's in the phone book. Now he's reached the important one. So he turns up at her home, luckily for Sarah she's out but Ginger, her house mate, and Ginger's boyfriend are in. The Terminator kills them both thinking he'd killed Sarah but Sarah phones up to tell ginger she was concerned because there has been news reports of someone killing Sarah Connors. The Terminator hears the message, now knows he hasn't killed her and heads to the club where she's staying for safety.

Arnie's Uzi 9mm shooting face is classic. It appears at it's peak for one shot.

Yey! The line: “Come with me if you want to live.”

Wooo! Terminator Vision!

Oh God! After a car crash damaged his eye, the Terminator cuts it out with a scalpel, revealing his robotic red eye beneath.

Yey! The other line: “I'll be back.”
It's the best ting to do really, if someone won't let you in somewhere just smash your car through the entrance. That's right kids, if you get stopped for ID that you haven't brought out with you, then just smash your car (or a car) through the entrance. You'll soon get in then.

Yey! The other other line: “Fuck you, asshole.” [in Arnie's voice]

Terminators are a sly piece of technology. They can emulate voices. He's pretending to be Sarah's Mam in order to find the address of the motel she's staying at. And she tells him! Oh no!

As it turns out, Reese has always been in love with Sarah ever since John Connor gave him a photo of her in the future. “I came across time for you Sarah.” Awww how lovely. Cue the sex scene. They'd be screwed if the Terminator walked in on them having sex, screwed and annoyed.
“God damn it, what is it with you Terminators?! I travelled across time for this broad, just give us 5 minutes ok?”
“Ok, sorry. I'll be back...in 5 minutes.”

Yey! The other other other line: “Get out.” [in Arnie's voice]

Yey! They beat the Terminator. Oh wait, no they didn't. They only managed to burn off his skin by blowing up that truck. Now we get to see the true appearance of the T-101. And it's rather terrifying.

No! Reese died blowing the Terminator's legs off. But that's ok, it slowed him down enough for Sarah to drag herself ahead of him so she could crush him under a big crushing device thing.

Yey! The other other other other line: “You're terminated, fucker.”

Time wimey. Reese is John Connor's father. Reese being younger than John Connor, and under his authority is sent back in time to protect his mother, while there he has sex with Sarah in order to conceive John so he can grow up fight the machines and send Reese back in time to protect his mother, and so on.

I love The Terminator, I think it's a brilliant film. Obviously nowadays post-apocalyptic films have been done to death, yet we still like them. Anyway, back in 1984 I imagine they were a bit of a rarity, there had been post-apocalyptic films before; Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man etc. But as far as I'm aware this will have been completely new. The terrifying idea of technology getting so far advanced that it takes over and turns on mankind. That's a terrifying prospect, even more so in this day and age with the increase in newer and better technology, I mean how many bloody iPhones have we had in the space of 4 years? 4! You'll see, we'll get an iTerminator and it'll go wrong. Anyway, that story is brilliant and at the same time terrifying because it's in a sense so close to reality, the idea of technology getting so much more advanced it could potentially get to the point where it can run itself and in doing so go a little haywire. Back to the film itself, I love it. I've always been a big fan of Arnie films and this is one of the top ones. The action is great, the story's great, the acting's good. I also love the design of the Terminator, it's brilliant, so detailed and complex, and also so fucking terrifying, with it's full set of teeth that look like a creepy smile. Another thing I love about this film is it is entirely a James Cameron film, not only did he write and direct it, but he also did all the concept art. Overall, great film, a classic, now go watch it because if you've never seen this then there's something wrong with you.

The Terminator 5/5

Pokemon 4Ever

2011-07-09T13:45:00.001-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

After rescuing the pokemon Celebi from a hunter, Sam is whisked off into the future with the pokemon. Only to find another hunter with much better technology trying to capture Celebi but now in the future he has Ash, Misty and Brock by his side to fight the good fight.

Pokemon 4Ever (The English Adaptation) is a 2002 Japanese Anime film based on the TV series Pokemon. It stars the voices of Veronica Taylor, Eric Stuart and Rachael Lillis. It was directed by Jim Malone. It is the fourth Pokemon film in the series.

Straight into the action with a chase sequence that takes place in the forest as a hunter and his pokemon pursue the legendary pokemon Celebi. As the chase takes place, a little boy (Sam) is in the forest where a young woman tells him about Celebi; the voice of the forest, Celebi is a time travel pokemon and when you hear the voice of the forest it is said that Celebi is travelling through time. She warns him that when you hear Celebi you should never approach it as it could take you with it as it travels though time.

What did she just say?! He grabbed Celebi to save it from the hunter and ran off as fast as he could until eventually Celebi began to use it's power and they vanished. Next thing we see is set some time later, as the hunter is now a grey haired man being thrown around by another hunter wanting to know where he almost caught Celebi. This other hunter has a great array of technology at his fingertips; Darkballs which are a form of pokeball that makes the pokemon it catches evil and enhances it's powers, he also has a mechanical vehicle on hydraulic legs, now you know he's a true bad guy. AWESOME! It's also revealed later that he is the Iron Masked Marauder, a feared member of Team Rocket.

The typical Ash intro into the film is him about to do battle with some unknown pokemon trainer we've never seen before, this time it's a guy with a very dodgy British accent. “Good day sir, would you like some jam butties and a cup of tea before we do battle with our pocket monsters?” [note: he didn't actually say that but his voice was a dodgy version of the type of stereotypical voice you would picture saying that line.]

Ash caught sight of the legendary dog pokemon Suicune and decided to phone Professor Oak who told him he saw the pokemon but only once a long time ago. Then Ash had to go to catch the ferry before it leaves. Then we see Oak saying to himself “Maybe I should have told him before he hung up.” What's the old codger keeping to himself this time? Sneaky bastard.

Brock is always so god damn horny, he's constantly love struck by every woman he meets. He even says to this one “Please tell me your name!” And this is for children you say.

Sam and Celebi appear in the forest and are found by none other than Ash and the gang. He's even greeted by an old woman who turns out to be the young woman who warned him about Celebi's powers. Time travel, I like it.

Sam isn't just an artist, he's also a pokemon trainer but he carries old style pokeballs that have to be manually unscrewed in order to release the pokemon. ...Well I found it amusing.

HIGHLIGHT OF THE FILM
After catching Celebi with a Darkball, Ash tries to climb the hydraulic legs so the Marauder says “Stupid kids” which then he is randomly attacked by a flock of Pigies (I think they were Pigies). After escaping them he makes Dark Celbi fight it's pokemon friends and makes it build a giant sort of Megazord out of woods to destroy the forest.

Suicune from earlier returns and joins in the fight. After defeating the marauder and making Celbi back good it then dies (I think from exhaustion) there's a fair bit of crying from everyone which had me wondering if it was going go the same route as the first film, pokemon tears bringing you back from turning into stone (pfft). But no, instead Celebi's future and past selves all came together in that moment to use their power to resurrect Celebi. The old woman called them “the spirits of the future and the past” Which I have to say I think that time travel solution is pretty cool, timey wimey, I like it.

In the end, Celebi returns Sam to his own time and Ash is left feeling sad that he's lost a friend. But Professor Oak makes him feel better in saying that their friendship will last over time. After hanging up the phone, Brock realises that Professor Oak knew Sam's name even though they never told him the name, but he shrugs it off saying “Professor Oak is amazing, he knows everything.” Stupid Brock. Stupid, constantly horny Brock. What they don't see is back in Professor Oak's home he is looking though Sam's sketch book and says “It happened like it was only yesterday.” [GASP] I'll give you a minute just to take that in.

When I first saw this years ago, I thought it was great, true I may have been swayed not only by my love of Pokemon but also my love of time travel. Watching it now, it's ok. It's nothing special but it's an average pokemon film and I like the time travel angle, I think it's a good film for kids and especially for pokemon fans. As a fan of time travel stuff, I enjoyed the timey wimey stuff in it, even if there is the odd one or two paradoxes but I'm willing to let them fly seen as it's a kids film and not exactly a serious time travel film at that, I mean come on it's pokemon. It was nice that it gave fans a bit of an insight into one of the most well known characters that we know pretty much nothing about. So overall, not bad just average, but with the time travel angle it allowed for a pokemon story which is different from any other pokemon story and allowed for an interesting play on the pokemon universe and characters.

Pokemon 4Ever 2/5

Quest For Love

2011-06-22T10:13:00.001-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

After an experiment goes wrong, scientist Colin Trafford wakes up in a parallel universe where he is a playwright and married to a wife who hates him because of his adulterous ways. Now stuck there, he must adapt to this new life and prove to his wife that he isn't the Colin she knows and hates. Can she come to trust and love this new Colin? And what other problems lie ahead in this parallel universe for Colin?

Quest For Love is a 1971 Peter Rogers Production. It stars Joan Collins, Tom Bell and Denholm Elliott. It was directed by Ralph Thomas. It is based on the short story Random Quest by John Wyndham.

WOH! Nice bit of racism there from none other than Marcus from Indiana Jones (he was always so nice in those films), well he's known as Tom in this and is a close friend of Colin. In response to a guy telling him that a camera he has is from Japan, Tom responds with “Make us look like this” and pulls one of his eyes (because he only has one arm) to the side. ...It was the seventies, it was a different time.

What the fuck? There was no explanation what so ever. All we know is what we see and that is there's an science experiment demonstration going on, but once Colin turns it on it goes wrong. The reason I know it all went a little caca is because Colin started pulling some funny/distraught expressions while there was also a series of flashing lights. Then BAM he woke up on the floor in a hotel (presumably the alternate universe).

Mike Baldwin is in this as a bartender. Alright I'll call him by his actual name, Johnny Briggs. After all, to his credit he has actually done more than just work in Coronation Street, I can't name anything off the top of my head mind. ...He'll always be Mike Baldwin.

Hmm, some intriguing differences in this alternate universe. Kennedy didn't get assassinated, there's been no world wars and Colin's friend Tom has both arms. There's even a book titled “Everest: The Unconquered” and Colin's response is “But it was conquered.” Just to clear up any confusion for any numpties who might be watching out there. Thanks Colin.

Colin meets Ottilie (Alt-Colin's wife) and instantly falls in love with her, but she hates him because in this universe Colin plays around so their marriage is a charade just to keep up appearances. I do feel sorry for Colin mind, he's woke up in a new life where all of history is different, he has a beautiful wife but she hates him and everyone keeps calling him a bastard. Poor Colin.

Colin tries to woo Ottilie with his charming ways but she believes it to be just another one of Alt-Colin's tricks. So he takes her to a scientist who believes Colin's story and gets him to explain to Ottilie the parallel universe theory. At first she's hesitant to believe him fully, but she's suspending her disbelief to a degree even if she does keep trying to catch him out with trick questions. But once she discovers he doesn't have a scar which Alt-Colin had since he was a child, on discovering this she instantly believes the crazy parallel universe claims he has been making and falls in love with him.

Colin then goes to explain the situation to Alt-Tom, but before he has chance Tom tells him not to hurt her any more because she is suffering from a terminal illness. She has a heart condition she was born with which is slowly killing her. Tom goes to a physician to enquire about the illness, but they tell him there's nothing that can be done to stop it. But Colin says he has read about an operation that can be performed, unfortunately this operation is only available in his universe. On the night, as he sits with Ottilie she tells him to look for her in his world, then she dies.

After Ottilie dies Colin wakes up in a hospital bed in his own universe. It turns out he's been unconscious for three weeks since the accident. He tells his friend Tom about the other life he experienced, sceptical as to whether it was even real Tom asks how does he not know that it wasn't just his imagination. Colin believes that if she does exist in this universe then she may have the same heart condition as Alt-Ottilie because it wasn't a choice or caused by an event she was born with it. Determined to find the woman he fell in love with, Colin goes in search of her risking his life, his sanity and his reputation to find the woman he loves.

After a long and hard search for her, he eventually tracks her down to an airport she works at. It's almost comical the amount of near misses they have as he runs around the airport looking for her as she's slowly walking to her car. The funky 70s music doesn't help either. But all works out well in the end, he gets to her in time, she has the operation, he brings her flowers and it ends as though they will be together. Aww nice lovely ending.

Quest For Love is a film I've wanted to see for ages, now I've finally seen it it wasn't as great as I expected. Don't get me wrong it's good but just not great, I think it would have been better if it had have been a bit longer at the start to explain just what the hell the experiment was and what happened to make it go wrong, it wasn't exactly necessary but I just would have liked to have known. Some great performances from Joan Collins and Tom Bell. It's a lovely little tale of love across worlds, a nice meld of romance and sci-fi, sort of like Somewhere in Time only that is romance across time, and I might also add is a great film. So yeah, I'd recommend this, currently I have little niggly problems with it because I had this preplanned envision of it from what I'd read and heard about it. But I think it's one of those films that deserves a second viewing which I most certainly am going to give it, because it is plain and simple a lovely story and a pretty decent film.

Quest For Love 3/5

Time After Time

2011-06-20T04:40:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPIOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

H.G. Wells has just revealed to his circle of close friends that he has built a time machine, but one of his friends (John Leslie Stevenson) sees this as a great opportunity to escape execution as he is in fact Jack the Ripper. So he escapes into the future, now H.G. Wells must pursue him into 1979 and stop Jack the Ripper from continuing his killing spree once again.

Time After Time is a 1979 Warner Brothers production. It stars Malcolm McDowell, David Warner and Mary Steenburgen. It was directed by Nicholas Meyer. It was based on the (at the time unfinished) novel Time After Time by Karl Alexander. Interesting bit of trivia, he wrote a sequel to it called Jaclyn the Ripper. Although from what I've read it's about Jack the Ripper being released from prison but he's now a woman. Don't ask me. I'm interested though, I'd like to read the original novel too seen as the film was made when it wasn't even finished, so I'm assuming there'll be some differences between the two.

How can this film possibly fail? It's a film where Jack the Ripper steals H.G. Wells' time machine to travel into the future. But luckily H.G. Wells is a smart guy, he installed a fail safe system, if his key isn't inserted into the machine then it will automatically return to it's point of origin. And seen as Jack didn't have the key, H.G is able to make pursuit into 1979.

What a great introduction of Jack the Ripper. The sequence is all from his point of view as he talks to a prostitute.
“What's your name deary?”
“John.”
“John, John, John, John, John, John.”
“But my friends call me Jack.”
[stab]

H.G. explains that his time machine can travel at 2 years per minute. 2 YPM, that's some crackin' horse power that machine's packing.

No not Mr Stevenson! It turns out that one of H.G's cronies is in fact Jack the Ripper. And if that wasn't bad enough, he's stolen the time machine, fiendish bastard.

I feel sorry for H.G. Wells, he thinks 1979 is going to be a Utopia. Little does he know he's going to discover there's been two world wars, guns are available from any local dealer (only in America), and there's a “Scottish place” called McDonald's.

Hmm, it seems this story has a new time travel method. Usually you time travel within the same place you are standing, or in Bill and Ted's case you can enter a location destination as well as a time destination. In this it appears you travel within the machine's own natural path through time, because H.G. started in London but when he arrived in 1979 he was in San Francisco where the time machine he was sitting in is now part of a H.G. Wells museum exhibition. So what would have happened if the time machine got destroyed and he travelled beyond the machine's point of destruction?

Ah! Jack the Ripper strikes again! It seemed that he had been killed after being tracked down by H.G. which led to a chase through the streets of San Francisco and ended with John getting hit by a car. But no, a newspaper's headline states that a prostitute has been killed. HE'S AT IT AGAIN!

Best come on ever. H.G. has been hanging out with a woman he met in the bank who helped him find John. She invited him to her apartment where she said the following:
“Herbert, if you don't take me in your arms this second, then I'll scream.”
Aw man, why don't all women say that, instead they just scream.

Poor Mary Steenburgen, she always has trouble believing that a guy is in fact a time traveller. This time it's H.G. Wells in 1979, next time it'll be Doc Brown in 1885. In order to prove to her that he is who is says he is, H.G. takes her on a trip to next Saturday. It proves that he has been telling the truth all along, but while there they discover that she is going to be killed by John. So now it's a race against time not just to save the other prostitutes John is killing, but also a race to save Amy before she's killed.

In the end after defeating John, H.G. and Amy travel back to H.G's time where we are told via on screen text that H.G. Wells and Amy Catherine Robbins got married etc. Which is actually true, he did marry a woman called Amy Catherine Robbins. I love it when they do that in fictional films, when they ground it within reality by bringing in elements of a real life person's real life. Nice clever bit of story telling there.

Some of the science of H.G.'s time machine was a bit iffy and didn't entirely make sense at times, but I'm willing to suspend disbelief for this film because it was plain and simple a very good film, it was thoroughly enjoyable. It's got wit and charm, romance and action, with a hint of humour. At it's heart, it's a love story between H.G. and Amy with a dash of Jack the Ripper's murders in there too. The concept for the story, I think, is brilliant, Jack the Ripper has stolen H.G. Wells' time machine and escaped to the future now he must stop him. I loved Malcolm McDowell and David Warner in this, they were brilliant. Malcolm McDowell was just so lovely has H.G. Wells, he was so enjoyable to watch especially when he first arrived and was approaching people in 1979 with his typical British 1893 attitude and speech. As for David Warner he's just one of those actors who is brilliant as a sinister baddie and you can't get much more sinister than Jack the Ripper, well maybe Hitler. It might not have the best visual effects, but what it does have are very visually interesting and a times rather dazzling. But yes, all in all. Very enjoyable film. [two thumbs up].

Time After Time 5/5

Dr Who and the Daleks

2011-05-31T13:05:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

Dr Who, his granddaughters Barbara and Susan, and Barabara's boyfriend Ian get whisked away in Dr Who's latest invention; TARDIS which can travel in time and space. They are taken to the planet Skaro in the distant future. It's a planet inhabited by two species (Thals and Daleks) that have been at war for centuries. Now Dr Who and his gang must help the Thals do battle against the Daleks in order to survive.

Dr Who and the Daleks is a 1965 AARU Productions and an Amicus (uncredited) production. It stars Peter Cushing, Roy Castle and Jennie Linden. It was directed by Gordon Flemyng. It is based on the Doctor Who serial The Daleks written by Terry Nation.

There are a few changes from the original serial. Notably, The Doctor is now human instead of a Time Lord and is called Dr James Who. I'll just give you a moment to take that in. All better? Right, Susan is still his granddaughter but she's now a child. Barbara is also his granddaughter and Ian is her clumsy boyfriend.

Oh no! Ian's clumsy antics have sent the TARDIS off somewhere before Dr Who was even able to set the co-ordinates, so they could be anywhere. Also for anyone who doesn't know, TARDIS stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space.

It's so very sixties. It's like Doctor Who crossed with the Carry On films. Which I think is great. It might as well be called Carry On Doctor Who, then again if it had have been maybe we would have had Sid James as Dr James Who. “Daleks! BAHAHAHAHA!”

Ah! Daleks! This must have been amazing at the time. For the first time ever, audiences were able to see the Daleks, The Doctor's deadliest foes, in full glorious colour. But what I imagine they will have found a bit shit, will have been the change in weapons, instead of a video effect laser they now have ...a fire extinguisher. Apparently, they were originally going to have flame throwers but that was considered to scary for children. So why not just stick with what was already established in the TV series and just give them lasers?

The Thals are so very sixties. They have very strong blue eye shadow, pale make up, pale lipstick and a Twiggy/Mia Farrow haircut.

Bloody Daleks and their fiendish plans! They got Susan (who the Thals trust) to write a letter to them inviting them to the Dalek city for food. But the Daleks being Daleks have other plans; Kill them.

The Daleks have lava lamps! I love it! In the sixties, they were up to date with all the latest fads and trends because they are dedicated followers of fashion.

Dr Who discovered the secret hidden camera in their cell that the Daleks were using to spy on them. It was very cleverly hidden in plain view, and was after all a giant Dalek eye stuck out of a plain wall and set just above eye level. I'm surprised he even noticed it at all.

Ooh. They managed to defeat a Dalek and empty the casing by using a cloth to pull out the mutant creature inside and throw it on the floor. All we see of the mutant creature is a creepy hand crawl out from under the cloth. Then Ian climbed inside the Dalek in order to get the others out of the cell and fool the other Daleks.

I don't know if it's an intentional reference in the 1996 TV movie, but the eighth Doctor's costume looks similar to that worn by Peter Cushing's Dr Who in this. It's not exactly the same, some colours and styles are different but the actual clothing looks similar. Nice nod to the films if so, after all Steven Moffat uses the TARDIS design from the film for the TARDIS design in the Matt Smith run of the TV series.

I understand that a lot of painted backgrounds were used in old films due to the obvious fact that there was no such thing as CGI, and I'm fine with that. But the landscape painting of Skaro does look rather badly fake, now don't get me wrong it's a lovely painting and all but it's very obvious that it is a painting.

It's only just occurred to me that these Daleks haven't at any point spoken the word “Exterminate!” Hmm strange. Bit disappointing, for the first time ever Daleks are on the BIG screen and in FULL COLOUR, but they have fire extinguishers for weapons and don't shout “Exterminate!” I would have been a bit pissed off in 1965.

The ONE minute countdown at the end for the detonation of the bomb that will destroy the whole planet is a very long ONE minute. In the space of that ONE minute the Thals manage to break into the Dalek city and still have time to cause havoc for the Daleks.

That was actually pretty cool. In a bid to stop the bomb from detonating, Ian shouted “Daleks!” to which they all turned round and fired at him. But Ian dived onto the floor so they instead hit the big control system, stopping the bomb from detonating and cutting the power to the city and to their metal units, therefore killing themselves.

Hey! Another thing that's just occurred to me, there's no “VWOORP, VWOORP” noise when the TARDIS dematerialises. Tut tut, this is wrong.

All in all, I really like this film. If you're a fan of those fun sixties family films (like me!) then you'll love this. It's just such a fun film, it's so bright and beautifully colourful. The actors are great too, you've got the brilliant Peter Cushing as Dr James Who, funny man Roy Castle as Ian. Roberta Tovey is really good as Susan. Jennie Linden as Barabara was ok, she didn't particularly do anything that stood out to me, I'm assuming she was there mainly as eye candy but that aside, I just plain and simple really liked the cast. With the exceptions of him being made human (Dr James Who) and other pointless changes like the fire extinguishers and no “Exterminate!” it's still a really good film, after all the problems aren't exactly biggies. Essentially it's just one of those fun sixties films that I think anyone will enjoy unless of course you specifically hate Doctor Who and very sixties films or if you are a Doctor Who purist.

Dr Who and the Daleks 4/5

Timecop

2011-05-17T15:26:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

The year is 1994 and time travel is now a reality. But criminals are exploiting it for their own benefit, so the government are putting into action a time agency to patrol time and stop all criminals. In 2004, 10 years after Max Walker's (Van Damme) wife was killed, he begins investigating Senator McComb who he has found out has been meddling with time to manipulate his own future and redirect it towards The White House. But McComb's meddling hasn't just interfered with his own past but also with Walker's.

Timecop is a 1994 Universal Pictures production. It stars Jean-Claude Jean Damme, Mia Sara and Ron Silver. It was directed by Peter Hyams. It spawned a TV series, a comic series and a sequel.

I like Van Damme films and I like time travel films. What's that? This is a Van Damme time travel film?! How can I lose?!

Oh my God! He's got future weapons in 1863...time traveller. Criminals are using time travel as a new means to steal and rob. Some are using it to steal gold with the use of future technology, and others are using it to gain profit in the stock market with the help of future knowledge.

“Beam me up Scotty.” You twat, that's not time travel that's transporters, duh. You obviously don't know what you're talking about, so let the guy who does know say his bit. He wants to create a time agency called TEC (Time Enforcement Commission) with time police (or Timecops, ah!) to patrol time and suspicious activity within it.

Oh no! In 1994 Max Walker's house was invaded by a group of men who tried to kill him then proceeded to blow up his house with his wife inside. Thing is they blew it up while they were still inside. Not the best plan ever but it's got my interest.

Wow, “future” cars in 2004 look shit. They're all big and box like with no windows. Why do future cars never have windows?! Just because they drive automatically it doesn't mean we don't still want windows in them. This film did make a few crap predictions about stuff in 2004 but one thing they did get right was the male look of the time; long hair and stubble. Or was that just me?

That makes no sense to me. When they travel from the present to the past they use a car capsule thing on a track and appear in the past without it. But to travel from the past to the present they use a hand held device and appear in the present in the car thing again. Why not just use the hand held device both ways? It's compact and easier.

TWO McCombs! 2004 McComb has come back to 1994 to help his past self and give him some good advice, but one guy decided to butt in when he was talking and got smacked in the face by 2004 McComb. “Never interrupt me when I'm talking to myself.” Good line.

AWESOME! Walker kicked 1994 McComb in the face and a scar bubbled onto the face of 2004 McComb. I like it. DOUBLE AWESOME! Walker kicked a henchman into some liquid nitrogen freezing his whole right arm, Walker then proceeded to kick the arm completely shattering it.

[GASP] His wife was pregnant. Whilst in a hospital retrieving another timecop's blood sample, Walker found his wife's which says she's pregnant. So he never knew it but she was pregnant when she was killed.

I like it, I like it a lot. As the plot thickens the path of 2004 Walker begins to cross and entangle with the path of 1994 Walker. 2004 Walker end up waiting at his 1994 home to get the baddies before they get his 1994 self and kill his wife.

Oh come on, 1994 Walker fell off the top of the roof (which is rather bloody high I might add) and it would seem he sustained not a single injury seen as his 2004 counterpart is fine. Whereas as when 1994 McComb got kicked in the face his 2004 self got a scar. It's not fair that.

Walker makes it to the top floor where his wife is being kept and sees that it was McComb and his cronies that killed his wife and his house back in 1994. McComb explains that his plan is for him to die there but his 1994 self will live and become President. Which I have to say doesn't make sense to me, because surely his 1994 self would live to become the 2004 self who blew up the house unless it's time travel in the sense of creating an alternate time line. Oh I don't know. Anyway, Walker throws a spanner in the works by making the 1994 McComb come to the house due to a prank call he made to him earlier. Uh-oh!

AWESOME! “The same matter can't occupy the same space.” So Walker kicks 1994 McComb into 2004 McComb causing them to melt into each other and melt away. When Walker returns to 2004 he finds that McComb went missing in 1994. So when you go blobby and melt away you get erased from time from that point onwards. Intriguing.

I really like Timecop. This is another one of those films I grew up with, as I mentioned earlier I like Van Damme films and I like time travel films, so for me this is no disappointment. Unfortunately, this film is rather dated seen as it's set in 1994 and 2004. In fact I remember being in school in 2004 and thinking to myself “Awww, Timecop isn't believable now.” Sad times. The visual effects are actually really rather good for a 90s film, I imagine in 1994 they must have been amazing especially seen as they still look good today. The action is as ever with Van Damme films rather good. The film in general is just really enjoyable, it's one of my all time favourite time travel films. As far as I'm aware it's the most successful of Van Damme's films even more than Universal Soldier, which although I do like Universal Soldier I do like this more. So go watch it, you can buy it for as cheap as £1! It will be £1 well spent.

Timecop 4/5

The Time Machine (1960)

2011-05-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

SPOILER ALERT! THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS! SPOILER ALERT!

1899, H. George Wells has invented a time machine and travels into the future. He witnesses the terrors of the World Wars and experiences the horrors that lie ahead for the human race in the year 802,701. There he must do battle against an evil race known as Morlocks.

The Time Machine is a 1960 MGM production. It stars Rod Taylor, Alan Young and Yvette Mimieux. It was directed by George Pal (who also wrote the 1981 novel Time Machine II). It is based on H.G. Wells' novel The Time Machine.

The film begins on January 5 1900, where three men have been invited to the home of their friend H. George Wells (nice little nod to H.G Wells there, which works because in the actual novel the time traveller isn't named.). They begin to become impatient that he is late but when he finally arrives he looks as if he's been in a fight. He collapses into a chair and tells them what happened, a story which began on New Years Eve 1899, this is where he first suggested to them the idea of time travel being possible.

Technology was so advanced in 1899 that not only could George create a time machine, but he could also create a miniature one for party tricks. He uses the miniature to demonstrate to the two nay-sayers (the only believer is Filby, he's a good friend, he's the only one who believes George's crazy ideas) that it is possible to travel through time, he does so by taking a cigar off one of the men and sitting it in the mini time machine which he sends into the future. Unfortunately as you can only control the time machine from the seated position, this demonstration can only be done once as it is unmanned (unless of course you count the cigar). So that cigar is then left forever travelling forward in time. Well that's what you get for being a nay-sayer, you get your cigar stolen and sent into the future where you can never get it. George is like a child with science on his side.

Gotta love George's smug look when he sees that the time machine works as planned.

Ok, I guess I have to at least give the iconic mannequin shop window scene a mention. Well, it is rather great. It's simple but so so effective. The effects are really good in this scene and it brilliantly expresses the effect of time lapsing quickly. It is a great sequence. It's no surprise really that this film won an Oscar for it's visual effects, namely the time lapsing visual effects.

He's travelled 17 years into the future and yet he still makes an amateur mistake of thinking his mate Filby would still look the same. No George, that's not how time works, he may look like him but come on, he's going to age in 17 years otherwise he's some kind of freak. As it turns out he's actually Filby's son played by the same guy who plays Filby, only this time he hasn't got a moustache. Here he finds out that Filby died during the War, he then presses ahead.

Oh no! The Third World War of 1966 that never happened! And now he's met the older version of Filby's son who is wearing some kind of tin foil suit. They don't get a lot of time to catch up as an atom bomb is dropped, which somehow manages to create a volcano in the middle of London which then erupts due to the atomic blast. How did a volcano get in London?

I'm not going to argue with the science and logistics of George's time machine because after all I didn't built the thing. But I'm still fairly sure that if you stopped the machine too fast it wouldn't spin around several times and then shoot you out in the opposite direction. But like I said I didn't build it so what do I know.

Elois are fucking idiots. A woman is drowning and two guys just sit there watching her drown. Fair enough if they were panicking but didn't know what to do then that way they would be idiots but at least they cared, idiots who care, but no they just didn't seem to care so they're just idiots. So George has to dive in and save her, he then becomes friends with the woman (Weena) and she shows him around. She takes him to a place containing history records that are recorded on rings that when spun they tell you information. Here George learns that the human race divided into two, Morlocks and Elois. The Morlocks moved underground and became cannibals, whereas The Elois remained on the surface and became idiots. It's here that he realises why there are no old Elois about, The Morlocks eat them!

Male Eloi voices are hilarious, they sound so gormless.

“There is nothing to fear, it is all clear.” Fucking Elois! The Morlocks are eating your friends and there is nothing to fear?! There is everything to fear, it is most definitely NOT clear.” They are so stupid that even mild mannered Rod Taylor gets annoyed and angry at them.

Rod Taylor is fucking awesome! He took on the whole army of Morlocks single handed. It was only part way through the fight that the Elois discovered that they have fists and decided to attack the Morlocks. Yes, discovered. The first Eloi to start fighting back clenched his fist and looked at it as if he'd just discovered it.

I really like the ending, it's such a nice ending. When George first arrived in 808,701 the time machine is taken by the Morlocks, at the end he finds it in the Morlock Sphynx and goes to it, he calls for Weena to come with him but the doors close before she makes it. So after he returns home to tell his story he then drags the time machine back into it's original position and returns to the future so that when he appears he will be reunited with Weena.

In 1993 there was a documentary made called The Time Machine: The Journey Back this contained a mini sequel. The sequel was just one scene in which George returns to his home when Filby just happens to be there, he tells him of the life he has lived with Weena and says that Filby can come with him. But Filby states he has duties as he is going to France tomorrow to fight in the War. Without telling him he is going to die George tries to convince him to come with him instead but is unsuccessful. After Filby leaves George's monologue states that Filby will die on the 15th May 1916 but he will return on the 14th to see if Filby changes his mind, then George's pushes the leaver forward and the machine begins to operate. There the sequence ends. It's not a big full on sequel but it was nice, it was good that the two original actors returned to their roles 30 years after they originally played them and it was a nice little scene for the two characters and a nice addition to The Time Machine canon.

All in all, I really like The Time Machine. This is a film from my childhood and I always enjoyed it. It's a fun, energetic, exciting film. The effects are (for the time) dazzling, the acting is great (maybe not from those who played the Elois but I'm assuming that was intentional). There's not really anything else to say, it's 99 minutes of fun filled time travelling, there isn't a dull moment. It's one of those quint-essential time travel films, a must see for all fans of time travel and a pretty decent family film.

The Time Machine 4/5